noun – Spurious but handy notions about agile one can conveniently whip out to convert intellectual deficiencies to process ones.
noun – A requirements artifact so poorly crafted that the primary thing developed from it is a feeling of disgust.
noun – a curiously elastic management concept that can represent capacity, productivity, and competence of an Agile team. Usually all at the same time.
Defamation of Done
noun – the act of slanderously claiming that something is ‘almost done’, for five days in a row.
noun – A clever little graph, designed for management walks-by, that always reflects smooth progress, but is usually bitterly divorced from reality.
noun – a look back at days past involving spewing anger in all directions with the hope of obtaining relief, but only acquiring a bigger mess.
noun – An aspirational title for senior ScrumMasters who may justifiably believe that their current title doesn’t adequately signal their superiority over mere developers and testers.
and finally, that old chestnut…
noun – A release cadence that values holding things in, often until its too late, over smooth, regular movements (to production).
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to real persons, events or beliefs is entirely coincidental.
More definitions coming soon-ish.
If you would like to contribute some tongue-in-cheek definitions of your own, add them in the comments and I’m happy to curate a bigger list here (all appropriately credited of course).